I've never been a girly girl. I'm serious! Ever since I could remember, I was always kicking around a ball, my outfit of choice were jeans, t-shirt, and some Keds, and my favorite color was black. I was picked on in school for not being pretty, I was a guys' best friend (
but isn't that supposed to be entitled to puppies and stuff?) That was my life... Don't get me wrong, I had my crushes on guys (
but never told them), had my dreams of fairytale romances (
but never admitted to them), envied girls who wore skirts and shorts (
bc I thought my thighs were huge). I wished and wished and wished for something in me to change. That I became pretty and girly. That boys would look at me and go wow.
When I turned 17, I think that was the beginning of my tranformation. I bought my first eyeliner, I became a lipgloss addict. I started wearing shirts that made my figure noticable.....bbbbuuuutttt I was going through my "Emo Phase". Yes, you heard me right. My EMO PHASE. I wore the band shirts, the black eyeshadow, eyeliner. I was into Screamo, Metal, Hardcore, Punk, and the Suicide Girls....Yea, I was one of those kids. But I never did the whole "I'm Depressed, I'm going to kill myself tonight" thing. So maybe I was in a Faux Emo Phase. I just dressed the part I guess hahaha. You know you remember that emo pose hahaha.
But then I after my little months of black and bands....I hit this weird plateau. Something came together, I don't know how, but my looks started to change, I started to like the color pink lol, I wanted pretty earrings, and was getting french acrylic full sets. I bought my first pair of heels and wore a skirt and a dress for the first time in years. I began to get looks and boys asked me out. How weird that it took up to 19 years for me to get what I wanted. But I was as self concious as ever. Yea, I was an average maybe below average pretty. But there would always be girls that made sure to tell me that they were prettier. I wasn't used to females being all high and mighty and THREATENED when it came to me lol.
Then at 19, I packed all my goodies and moved to Los Angeles, CA. Oh No, not to become a singer or a star, but to go to school. At this time I already changed my major like 4 times and had settled on Asian Studies. So why not go to the place where the Asian population was off the charts hehehe. That year in a half that I lived in CA was the best year, well, almost 2 years of my life. I had become a totally different person. I was outgoing, a talker, I smiled nonstop, I was learning Korean (which is my love when it comes to languages). I fell in love for the first time with a guy from one of my classes. It was the first time I felt so at home in my own skin. Out of FL was the best decision I ever made. I was able to be myself. My TRUE self.
The spring of 2009, I got accepted into UCSB, my dream school. The excitement that filled me when I got that admittance letter. I cried, literally. I was back in Florida on vacation, setting up to go back when I found out that I couldn't go. Though I lived in California, I wasn't a resident, and wouldn't be a resident until my Senior year of college (that's what the school told me). So my tuition was $40,000, and I couldn't afford it because there was no one to help me. For the first two years, I had taken care of myself with school. My tuition was always covered thanks to FAFSA, I paid for my own books and all other fees. I never asked anyone for help. If you can do it yourself, you SHOULD do it yourself. But the one time I did ask for help, I ended up disappointed and throwing away my admittance letter.
Such events help you develop as a person. Small or Big, things can change your whole demeanor. So because of that, for some reason, I became closed off again. I went back to being shy, no personality. I watched what I said and tried not to disappoint. But I became extremely protective over my brothers so they would never have to feel that heartbreak that I did. Having the urge to runaway, once again, I applied to school within Florida, go accepted into the school that was the farthest away from home (and had the only Asian Studies Program in the state) and moved. Now that i'm here, i'm changing again. I'm becoming more developed as a person, slowly turning into the person I want to be. I'm still shy and not as outgoing, but i'm starting to have interests in things I didn't before. I'm starting to take more effort into my appearance and becoming a GIRL lol. I'm shaping myself up for the long run.
So now, I love my school. I love my major. I love that I'm still learning languages and figuring out my future. I'm happy, thank god. Well not as happy as I was in LA, but once everything settles down here, and I feel okay where I am...Everything will work out for me.
This blog, as conceited as this sounds hahahaha, is about me. My likes, my dislikes, my raving, my loving, my obsessions, my everything. A blog is almost like a diary, no? So let me share with you! My name is Diandra. But online peeps call me Yuri. And you'll be hearing from me veeeerrrryyyy often.
Love, Peace, and Happiness,
Diandra Yuri
